Archive for November, 2010
Yet another blood test…
November 29th, 2010 | 
Author: Today has seemed a long day yet we were busy this morning. We had to go into town this morning as Rick wanted to get some information from the job centre. We were supposed to have a nurse’s appointment as well but that got cancelled. We both needed to get new prescriptions so asked about that while on the phone and made a doctor’s appointment for me. I was quite shocked to be given one for 11 am this morning but didn’t refuse it despite the bad weather. I am getting really fed up of the snow now. It was nice to see but now it’s treacherous to walk on due to the thick ice.
I told the doctor how bad my hip is getting with the constant pain and occasional pins and needles. My notes still haven’t come through so I still don’t know what the x-rays show. The doctor asked me a load of questions and took blood. He has concluded that I have a B12 deficiency as he has researched the subject and my symptons tally with that. So I have had an injection and am going to see him on Friday morning for the blood test result. At least I have started changing my diet so that should help as well. It is actually a relieve to know what the problem is as I was feeling so run down but didn’t know why.
Life is good
26 th November 2010
It’s good to feel so contented with life in general. Even the bad weather has dampened my mood and the dogs love the snow. Just wish they didn’t think it’s fun to play whilst on the lead but we can’t have everything. Today I took a photograph of the local church as it looks even more beautiful with the snow covering it.
Life can never get completely be ‘normal’ for me again yet I am happy enough. Nothing can reverse the past 29 years but I can at last feel free from the chains that held me down for so long. I am not even sure when my parents invisible grip loosened on me to finally feel free, really free. They are elderly and their health is poor so yes I do care about that. Part of me also feels detached as if my past belongs to a different person. I know it is just because I can now be completely me instead of what my parents wanted me to be.
Being back up north has helped as I feel like I’m finally back home. It must be something in the blood as I know my dad’s side of the family was originally from Co. Durham. I had never lived outside of Essex until after Rick and I got married which was also the same for him. It took us years to find the place that we feel settled in. Although we both regret moving from Hartlepool it took doing that for both of us to realize where we really wanted to be. On one hand we have the luxury of being in a village and on the coast which is incredibly beautiful as it’s unspoilt. It’s due to not being a tourist attraction so an added bonus. On the other hand it still has enough shops in the village that when the weather is bad or if we were both poorly that we could survive. The nearest town centre is also in walking distance which is handy.
Even reunion has felt like a dream at times. It seems hard to believe at times that I found Anthony over 6 years ago when we were living in Hartlepool. At times it has been intense and that Anthony has had almost unhealty grip on me where he wanted to be in control all the time. I couldn’t and can’t give him what he wants as his expectations have been unrealistic. I could never be a mumsy type mother as that’s not me. I grew up with parents who rarely showed me any real affection, it usually felt like they were going through the motions. I know that in their own way that they do love me but there has always been a communication problem between us. I also felt like they expected too much from me. All I ever wanted was to be loved yet it wasn’t very often that I felt loved. The times I did was when I was extemely distressed or upst. One of my mum’s rare moments of making me feel loved was when I received the letter from Anthony’s adoptive mother and I sobbed my heart out. I always felt more loved by my dad.
I don’t know if Anthony will ever accept me for whom I am. He has never understood my dry sense of humour which I inherited from my parents. That maybe one of the reasons why he found it hard to connect with my parents as it does run through the family. I also have a wicked sense of humour and love practical jokes which he never really ‘got’ or found funny. In a way it just made situations even funnier without meaning to sound cruel. It’s not meant to be and sad that he couldn’t see the humour in situations that everybody else could see. It was such a strain trying to be somebody I wasn’t. I still can’t see Anthony ever wanting contact again but I can’t keep trying. A little bit of it is fear that Anthony will try and take legal action against me on imagined ‘wrongs’ . I really don’t see how we can have any kind of relationship unless he can come to terms with being adopted, that I can’t change that past and he moves on with his life.
Christian couple barred from fostering children because of their views on homosexuality go to court
Christian couple barred from fostering children because of their views on homosexuality go to court
By Sam Greenhil
Last updated at 9:26 AM on 1st November 2010
Gay rights laws are eroding Christianity and stifling free speech, Church of England bishops warned yesterday.
Senior clerics, including former Archbishop of Canterbury Lord Carey, spoke out ahead of a High Court ‘clash of rights’ hearing over whether Christians are fit to foster or adopt children.
The test case starting today involves a couple who say they have been barred from fostering because they refuse to give up their religious belief that homosexuality is unacceptable.
Supporters hope their legal challenge will set a precedent for the rights of Christians to foster children without compromising their faith.
But senior bishops fear that if the ruling goes against them, it could have devastating consequences for those with religious beliefs.
Either way, they believe the case will determine whether Christians can continue to express their beliefs in this country.
In an open letter, they warned that Labour’s equality laws put homosexual rights over those of others, ‘even though the Office for National Statistics has subsequently shown homosexuals to be just one in 66 of the population’.
The letter is signed by Lord Carey, the Bishop of Winchester Rt Rev Michael Scott-Joynt, the Bishop of Chester Rt Rev Peter Forster, and Rt Rev Michael Nazir-Ali, the former Bishop of Rochester.
They wrote: ‘The High Court is to be asked to rule on whether Christians are “fit people” to adopt or foster children – or whether they will be excluded, regardless of the needs of children, from doing so because of the requirements of homosexual rights.
‘Research clearly establishes that children flourish best in a family with both a mother and father in a committed relationship.
‘The supporters of homosexual rights cannot be allowed to suppress all disagreement or disapproval, and “coerce silence”.’
The couple in the High Court test case, Eunice and Owen Johns, said Derby City Council’s fostering panel rejected them as carers because they would never tell children a homosexual lifestyle was acceptable.
Mrs Johns said: ‘The council said: “Do you know, you would have to tell them that it’s OK to be homosexual?”
‘But I said I couldn’t do that because my Christian beliefs won’t let me. Morally, I couldn’t do that. Spiritually I couldn’t do that.’
The Pentecostal Christian couple from Derby, who have fostered almost 20 children, are not homophobic, according to the Christian Legal Centre, which has taken up their case.
But they are against sex before marriage and do not recognise as marriage civil partnerships between gay couples.
Their beliefs are at odds with Derby City Council’s equality policy, which was drawn up under the terms of the Sexual Orientation Act brought in by Labour.
The Christian Legal Centre, which campaigns for religious freedoms, said in a statement: ‘The case will decide whether the Johns will be able to foster without compromising their beliefs.
‘The implications are huge. It is no exaggeration to say that the future of Christian foster carers and adoptive parents hangs in the balance.
‘It may not be long before local authorities decide that Christians cannot look after some of the most vulnerable children in our society, simply because they disapprove of homosexuality.’
However Ben Summerskill, chief executive of gay rights charity Stonewall, said: ‘Too often in fostering cases nowadays it’s forgotten that it is the interests of a child, and not the prejudices of a parent, that matter.
‘Many Christian parents of gay children will be shocked at Mr and Mrs Johns’s views, which are more redolent of the 19th century than the 21st.’
The case is due to be heard in the High Court sitting at Nottingham Crown Court.
Throwaway society, throwaway mothers
23rd November 2010
Some thoughts come to me at the oddest moments such as in the prayer meeting in church this morning. Nothing was said to prompt it but suddenly I started thinking of attitudes towards mothers today. I do notice a difference between the UK, and, the USA and Canada. Generally people in the UK assume that all children are adopted because they have been abused, neglected or their parents simply couldn’t cope with raising them. The exceptions are adoptive parents particularly those who have adopted babies although there is the prejudice from them as well. Not all think like that but plenty do.
In the USA and Canada adoption is big business with white babies having the highest price tag. In the UK it is cheap to adopt as all adoptions have to go through social services or an adoption agency so all adopters pay for are court costs. Even adoption through private fostering means having a social worker involved as private adoption is illegal. Over there private adoption is legal and adoption agencies can charge huge amounts to cover their costs. Here social services and adoption agencies get funded so the more children who end up in care the more funding social services get funded. This is despite it being much cheaper to keep families together and work with them to get help and support in place. Where there is abuse and the parents aren’t willing to change their ways or accept help then that is different and the child is better off in care.
I have noticed online, Y!A being a classic example, that potential adoptive parents can at times have appalling attitudes. There are those who seem to think that mothers who are consdering adoption will give away their baby without a second thought. The stereotypical view is that these mothers can’t look after their child, don’t know how to, don’t want their child, are poor, young orstill at school. Maybe not all these things but often a combination of some of these things. It scares the heck out of me how many want a closed or private adoption and as cheaply as possible. The other favourite thought is when to tell the child they are adopted if at all. That is very dangerous ground in this day and age with the internet. It is possible to trace adopted adults so it begers believe why adopters think it’s acceptable not to tell their child the truth. Of course in the UK it is dangerous ground for adopters not to be honest as families can legally search for an adopted adult. There are some adopters who haven’t kept up with the law and refuse to believe this is true. It would be interesting to be a fly on the wall if a family member found an adopted adult who didn’t know that they had been adopted. I can only imagine how devastated that person would be to find out that their life was based on a lie.
Another question that often crosses my mind is why potential adoptive parents disengage their brains from their emotions when they go through the adoption process. Those that are infertile or can’t carry through with a pregnancy know what effect it has on them emotionally. When they refer to (expectant) mothers all reason seems to go out of the window and they assume that surrendering a baby will be so easy. I cannot understand why they accept support, maybe sympathy as well, then regard a mother considering adoption as a piece of meat. They of all people should be able to empathise because they know what it like not to be able to raise their own biological child.
Why do I bother going onto Y!A? Because people there do want to be educated, and the decent people change their attitudes whether they eventually adopt or not.
Posted in Blog | 
Tags: adopters potential adoptive parents, birth mother adoption throwaway society, Y!A | 
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Life improving
22 November 2010
Saturday was our 17th wedding anniversary and it’s almost scary to think about how the years have flown by. We had a quiet day but that is normal for us. None of his family have ever acknowledged our anniversary. My family used to before I fell out with them in early 1999. After I got back in touch with my parents late 2001 they started sending us a Christmas card and one for my birthday but have ignored Rick’s birthday and our anniversary. It upsets me at times but this is my parents all over. I still don’t talk to my sister almost twelve years on.
Yesterday we didn’t go far as both of us felt rough. I hadn’t slept well so felt exhausted all day. It’s the first time we have missed going to church since we have moved here.
Today we have felt better. For me having a good night’s sleep helpedamd I woke late for me at 8.25 am. It has also helped my mood as I have been very depressed recently. All I can put it down to was hating where we lived before so it was stress finally coming out. The stupidity of it all in my mind is that I love living where we do now. Nothing will persuade me to move back down south now. I love being in a village, having wonderful walks we can do, being on the coast, fresh air, community spirit….
Contented….
17th November 2010
On Monday we had a nurse’s appointment as we both want to lose weight. She has weighed both of us and has given us diaries to keep for the next two weeks. I am managing to watch what I have as I have the incentive to do so now and also to prove a point that it is hard for me to lose weight. Rick, on the other hand, isn’t changing his eating habits except for having smaller portions at meal times. Chocolate and bscuits are his biggest weakness but I am writing everything done so the nurse can give him a lecture.
I am getting fed up though as my medical records still haven’t arrived at the surgery yet. So I am still non the wiser what the x-ray results and blood test results are yet and it’s been well over a month ago that I had those done. If I remember I will ring up King George Hospital tomorrow and ask the rheumatology department if the information can be forwarded on to the surgery. Although the really bad back pains have eased off my right hip is getting worse. The pain is constant and I’m not sure how much longer I can put up with it without anything being done about the pain. I find it easier to deal with the pain in my hands as that isn’t constant.
I still don’t have any regrets about us moving here. The time we were living in Ilford feels like a bad dream now. We are fortunate that we have good neighbours and have made new friends quite quickly. I like the fact that we have plenty of shops locally which is good considering we live in a village. I also feel safer walking around the area in the evening.
Child protection body which failed to cope with aftermath of Baby P scandal ‘not fit for purpose’
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1328434/Baby-P-scandal-Child-protection-body-fit-purpose.html
Child protection body which failed to cope with aftermath of Baby P scandal ‘not fit for purpose’
By Steve Doughty
Last updated at 7:43 AM on 11th November 2010
The organisation of social workers that is supposed to stand up for the most troubled children has instead brought chaos to the family courts, MPs said yesterday.
Its staff do not do their jobs, its managers are weak and it has failed to cope with the crisis that swept the state child protection system after the Baby P scandal, they added.
A report from the Public Accounts Committee watchdog said the £131 million-a-year Children and Family Court Advisory Service (Cafcas) is ‘not fit for purpose’ and that its incompetence harms the hundreds of thousands of children who need its help.
Aftermath: Cafcas failed to see how the Peter Connelly (Baby P) scandal would impact on child protection agenciesThe MPs’ report said that after the Baby P case in November 2008 – in which 17-month-old Peter Donnelly’s mother and two men were jailed over his death – social workers started taking more children into care.
But committee chairman, former Labour minister Margaret Hodge, said: ‘Cafcass was ill-prepared for the very large increase in care cases in 2009-10 which followed the Baby Peter tragedy and caused chaos in the family justice system.
‘This lack of readiness was a direct result of the organisation’s continued failure to get to grips with the fundamental weaknesses in its culture, management and performance.
‘It is still dealing with a legacy of low morale, unacceptably high levels of sickness absence and under-performance by some staff.’
While the specific impact of the Baby Peter tragedy was ‘hard to predict’, the possibility of a sustained increase in cases ‘was a scenario that Cafcass should have planned for’.
Critical: Margaret Hodge, former Children’s Minister, said the quango was ‘not fit for purpose’But ‘Cafcass did not see the crisis coming, nor did it have a contingency plan in the event of a significant increase in demand’, the committee said.
Cafcass has also taken ‘too long to secure essential changes, and much of the responsibility lies with top management’.
‘It is shocking that Cafcass has not previously collected all the information it needs to manage its workload more effectively,’ the committee said.
Low compliance by staff with important requirements was ‘a persistent problem’ which undermined the body’s efforts to improve, the MPs added.
There was also a risk that the number of unallocated cases could return to the ‘unacceptable levels seen in summer 2009′.
Cafcass was still not providing a timely service, eight out of 10 Cafcass areas failed Ofsted inspections, and the committee ‘does not share the Department for Education’s confidence that all will be well by 2011′, Mrs Hodge said.
Cafcass took an average of 27 days to fully allocate a care case to a family court adviser, down from up to 40 days between September 2009 and June 2010, but ‘still well above what it should be’, the report found.
It added that data which Cafcass holds on cases centrally ‘contains inaccuracies’.
And sickness absence was ‘unacceptably high’, with an average of 11.6 days per staff member in 2009-10 and 16.1 days for family court advisers, compared with the public sector average of 8.3 days in 2009.
Cafcass said it had taken ‘robust action’ to improve the service.
Chief executive Anthony Douglas said: ‘We will take heed of the PAC findings, and we will continue to defend the interests of the 140,000 children who we work with each year, each of whose cases is unique and many of whose lives we improve as a direct result of our involvement.’
He went on: ‘Cafcass is fit for purpose because we have absorbed a massive number of new cases in the last 12 months and have improved our productivity by 17 per cent, which is a performance any organisation would be proud of.
‘We have improved on every measure considered by the PAC and the National Audit Office, including falling staff sickness, faster filing times of court reports and quicker allocation of cases.’
Surviving and minor miracles
7th November 2010
The minor miracles have been Chyna behaving herself on the lead with me holding on to it. Up until recently she has worn a halti to make it easier to walk her. It broke so Chyna has got back to pulling so badly that I couldn’t handle her. Today I give it a try and she has been good for her. A few times I’ve had to pull back on the lead but most of the time Chyna was good. How long it will last is a different matter.
I survived another birthday which I hate. Mother’s Day, Christmas Day, Anthony’s birthday and mine are the anniversaries I wish I could sleep through but can’t so grin and bear them. Fortunately I had distractions online which helped get me through. The weekend has gone quite quickly but I am happier. The lead up to my birthday I tend to get depressed which is made worse by National Adoption Week. I know why it happens but wish it could be dealt with more sensitively. Knowing that there is a dark side to adoption makes me even more frustrated. During the week there is so much publicity about how wonderful adoption is and how wonderful reunion is. Life isn’t like that all the time. People are only human and have their bad days and children are no different. I would rather see more on people being educated on the realities of adoption so that those who do adopt are better prepared. Whether that will ever happen is a different but I live in hope and I do know there are decent social workers who do their best.